If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
