Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
