New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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