Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
