Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
