wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
