im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
