he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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