I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
