if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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