So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
