Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
