So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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