At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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