ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
