No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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