And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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