How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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