I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
