Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
