8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
