I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
