My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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