I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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