Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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