I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
