nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize