Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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