We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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