So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
