today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
