I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
