The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
