i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
