two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
