from now on my penis is your penis
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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