U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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