So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
