just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize