Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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