I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
