i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize