dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
