honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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