You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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