Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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