So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
