My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
