I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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