Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
