According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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