As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
