So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
