I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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