Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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