He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Of course I have a pirate flag
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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