shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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