$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
