i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
