hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
