Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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